Sign in

TV writer trying to have it all. Former healthcare worker turned comedy goblin. My book “Rags to Rags“ is available here:
Me driving the Ellie-mobile. Credit to my master photo friend Lauren

Lorde’s Melodrama is one of the best albums of our time. I firmly stand by that. Therefore, it’s only logical that I was on an intense emotional journey during her masterpiece “Supercut” back in 2017, driving on the 101 north freeway. I was singing, living a music video in my head, watching the road but also living my Melodrama fantasy. It didn’t take much for me to smash into another car.

I’m a very safe driver. My dad’s a bus driver, and he made it his life’s mission to teach me all about defensive driving. When he taught me how…

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

So, you’re feeling burnt out. That’s totally normal! We are with you. No one blames you. But you’re still going to get everything done on time, right?

Time off would help your mental health? Ssssss, ahhhhhh, mmmmmm… when? We’re not sure someone can cover you since we’d need a team of three people to do everything you do as one person… but of course, take time for you. WE SUPPORT YOU. But you’re still going to answer your emails, right? Can you do a quick chat? Just texted you some questions. But please, take this time to refresh. …

Photo by arash payam on Unsplash
  1. That time at the grocery store a lady got really close to me and pulled down her mask to ask me where the carrots were. We were in the bread aisle and also I don’t work there
  2. That time I rolled my eyes in a work Zoom and forgot I was on camera and then had to pretend that my eyes were simply itchy
  3. The moment I realized that finally, after 27 years on this earth, I was going to have to learn how to cook
  4. The time I was driving to pick up food and drove past a sea…

Hi beautiful people!

I recorded a (remote) podcast interview recently on how my Medium blog led to me writing a book and getting a job in television (sorry for my phone quality but you know, old phone. I remain true to the poor brand). The podcast is here, and it’s also available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Also yes, this is my voice. You all get to hear how extremely Los Angeles I am. My Central American ancestors are writhing in their graves:

The link to my book is here for Amazon and here for independent bookstores. It’s a collection…

Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash

This piece isn’t an answer. It’s not some kind of insight, or magic moment. If anything, it’s more procrastinating.

I want to do the things I have to do. I want to work on my script rewrites. I mean, are you kidding me?! I never thought I could actually write for money, and now I have this beautiful magical opportunity, and I really truly am excited about it and appreciate it, and yes writing is hard but it’s so much fun, but I feel incapable of starting it.

It’s not just writing; I procrastinate cleaning, I procrastinate texting back, some…

Yes, it’s true. Lady Pieces has started a Twitter and yes, it’ll be easier to maintain than Instagram because it requires way less work. Such is the beauty of social media.

Give it a follow and we’ll be sure to follow you back! We can promote published pieces, bring new readers and writers to the publication, and just be little stinkers on the internet. If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that nine days before the election is a great time to join Twitter.

Catch you on the flippety flip!

Photo by Fahad Waseem on Unsplash

I wish this was a sexy post or a joke post or a sexy joke post, I really do, but sadly it is real. Like, 100% not a joke. This happened in real life to me this week.

The unfortunate reality of what happened is that I spent like $35 on a piece of lingerie, it was delivered, and someone in my building STOLE IT.

Let us take a moment. Let us contemplate. These are the facts:

Number 1: Someone stole my package (not a sexy “I have a package for you” package, but an “Ellie paid for this and…

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash
  1. Definitely not texting your friends funny memes and replying “omfg i’m dying just like he will omg”
  2. Not making a social media post that’s just a giant winky face with the caption “lol”
  3. Not by any means getting a tattoo that says “karma ❤”
  4. Never ever holding a zoom party with friends where the theme is “funeral chic but like you’re happy the person is gone”
  5. Not laughing so hard that soda comes flying out of your nose when you learn he also gave it to his inner circle
  6. Not, under any means, masturbating furiously after researching comorbidities
  7. Absolutely not…

Photo by Claire Anderson on Unsplash
  • The person running Herman Cain’s Twitter account and downplaying COVID even though Cain died of COVID
  • The guy that touches your waist when he passes by you at the bar even though there was no reason for it
  • The Stormtrooper that punched Baby Yoda
  • My really mean fifth grade teacher Ms. Sanchez
  • The lady from that video that freaked out about Bath & Body Works peach bellini candles
  • My sleep paralysis demon
  • The TMZ guy
  • Brett Kavanaugh’s buddy Squee
  • The green guy from the Mucinex commercials
  • ICE hysterectomy doctor
  • Ghislaine Maxwell
  • Himself

This Is Us

A woman’s foot with sandals and a rainbow flag tied to the knuckle making a step forward on a rainbow sidewalk.
Photo: Carles Navarro Parcerisas/Getty Images

I’ve always kept my mouth shut during Pride Month. So when this past June came around, I spent 30 days in a limbo (at least more of a limbo than usual), going back and forth, swirling around, deciding to just post nothing again and not acknowledge the truth lodged in my throat.

My sexuality is both nobody’s business, and yet something I want to embrace as loudly as I can. I feel like I’m wearing stilts; I’m shiny and impressive, but I’m also teetering, always thisclose to tipping over and falling over myself. My whole “thing” is writing and posting…

Ellie Guzman

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store