I understand where there can be confusion: by honest I meant honest to my emotions. In all accounts I was honest about the events themselves and how they played out, but I found myself using flowery language and trying to make it novel-esque. You know, trying to make it a “good read” by using phrases I don’t typically use and sugarcoating my emotions. This is the most emotionally honest version that I wrote without going back and editing it to make it easier to digest for others.
As for what you’re saying, I understand where you’re coming from and that many people have that perspective, but what it boiled down to was that he chose to assault me. And honestly, I truly think that even if I hadn’t been *that* drunk he still would have done it (not that that’s an excuse). As I described before, he grabbed me hard and groped me and forced himself on me. The guy’s like a foot taller than me and has a good 60–70 pounds on me at least. He could’ve done it with me sober if he wanted to and he might’ve if it hadn’t been St. Patrick’s and we’d chosen to play video games instead of gone barhopping. I didn’t need to be drunk for him to be the same pervert that assaulted me.
Anyway, I appreciate your response but I do think that this line of thinking treats instances, but not the root of the problem. Being sober helps protect oneself in some cases, but rape culture enables assaults. No matter how sober I might be, or if I have nunchucks in my purse, or if I’m a trained ninja, it’s not my responsibility to evade assault or anyone else’s. It’s other people’s responsibility to not commit assault and that’s what it all comes down to. I know it’s not a perfect world out there filled with rainbows and nice people but we can all contribute to decreasing the problem by putting the burden of avoiding assault on the potential perpetrator instead of the potential victim and educating our children with the same values so that they don’t commit assault.