I do sober things like hiking and markets with friends all the time, but I also like to go out to bars and dance and drink. It doesn’t make me any less of a fulfilled person. No one’s forcing me to go out at night and I don’t feel pressured into it. I enjoy it; it’s just a hurdle if I’m by myself or if a guy is talking to me because of my own personal trauma. I know it’s obvious that people are going to try to talk to other people in those settings; this piece is more about why I have a hard time with it personally, even though I know it’s a normal societal thing.
I’m not really understanding what you mean about my boyfriend being a poor excuse to not give a guy my number. I think it’s a great reason to not give a guy at a bar my number. I already have a boyfriend I love and I’m not looking for a new one.
As for this last bit, I just don’t agree: “It really seems (whether you do realise it or are completely clueless to your own behaviours), you’re naturally looking for something more out and in life. Otherwise you wouldn’t be restricted into your mind as you are, you’d know what you’d want, you’d be actually ‘living’ a life you’d choose.”
We’re all looking for something more out of life, aren’t we? Isn’t that kind of the point? I like to think we’re all striving to be better to ourselves and to others. I don’t believe my mind is restricted or that I’m clueless; I know what I want, and I’m living a fairly excellent life professionally, romantically, and socially. But that doesn’t erase the trauma of my past, and the impact that the trauma has in my life, and I choose to write about it as a way of self-healing and sharing with others who might be going through something similar. Just because I’m anxious and scared doesn’t mean my mind is restricted; in fact, being able to write about it the way I do makes me feel more free than ever, even if I get comments like this every now and again from men who think they can explain my own life to me.